


The Wrong School

by Kuzons



Category: Sword Art Online
Genre: Bromance, College, Gen, Post-Series, School Shootings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 10:36:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5372243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuzons/pseuds/Kuzons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few years after completing Sword Art Online, Kazuto Kirigaya is doing his best to be a normal college student. He wants to put the fighting and heroics behind him, but when violence erupts at his school, putting Asuna at risk, Kirito vows that the offenders will regret ever even thinking about attack HIS school.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Awaking the Giant

**Author's Note:**

> I don't like leaving Author's Notes in front of stories, but I felt the need to make an exception here. This story is about a school shooting, and there will be be some social commentary throughout its few chapters. It's utter and complete bullshit that people have to legitimately worry about their safety when going about their daily activities nowadays, and I personally blame the media for it. These people, most of them are just attention seekers, and plastering their names and pictures all over the place is giving them exactly what they want. The obsessive national news coverage of events like this is disgusting and horrifying.
> 
> Sorry if I somehow offended anybody with that. Just a bit of a touchy nerve for me. If you want to discuss anything I said, feel free to PM me. Enjoy the read, and hopefully, the President's speech tonight does something to improve the situation.

Boozeday Tuesday is an absolutely essential piece of the college experience. It's the quintessential stress reliever, a break from the brutal double whammy of college coursework and chaotic weekend frat parties. The concept is incredible simple; acquire whatever intoxicating chemicals the group desires, head to the dorm/apartment with the biggest TV, and binge on cooperative video games until the wee hours of the morning. Just you and your tightest friends, basking in the childish nostalgia of drunkenly playing classic video games together.

Kazuto Kirigaya knew, from previous life-altering experiences, just how important the occasional break was. Most of his close friends were girls, and while he cared for them deeply, he needed so bro time on occasion. There were only so many times he could tune out the shopping stories and period talk. So, every Tuesday night since he first started his freshman year, his old friends, who very much prided themselves on their manliness, would come to his dorm with alcohol and video games. They even built their schedules around it, with Kazuto leaving his Wednesday mornings class free and the others altering their work schedules to avoid hungover opening shifts.

This Tuesday night, in particular, had been a classic among classics. Klein had shown up with his old Nintendo Wii, and Agil brought the usual case of beer, along with the cheapest, shittiest fifth of vodka money could buy. Sure, Agil ran a bar, and could probably bring a much finer selection, but it was almost always the same. He insisted that nicer drinks would simply ruin the college experience that he so fondly remembered, and Klein didn't mind as long as it got him drunk.

The night started with the consensus Tuesday night favorite, Mario Kart Drunk Driving, sometimes fondly referred to (on purpose or otherwise) and Kario Mart. The rules were simple. Finish your beer before you finish the race, and you can't tough the controller while drinking. They all started with complex strategies, drinking during long jumps and Bullet Bills at tactically sound intervals, but, as usal, it quickly devolved to everybody chugging their beer at the start and drunkenly playing catch up for the rest of the race.

Ten races (and many creative curse words) later, the case was emptied, and they moved to another favorite, this time on an old, dusty Xbox 360 that Kazuto had found in his grandma's attic. Apparently his mom used to play it. They booted it up and loaded up Star Wars: Battlefront II, and deliriously enjoyed the onslaught of vodka, lasers, and force choking that followed.

The drinking game, an oft-bragged about creation by Klein, usually didn't last long, as it involved consuming copious amounts of vodka, but their livers seemed to be particularly efficient tonight. When Kazuto very drunkenly made his way to his bed, the clock on his bedside table (all too brightly) showed that they were almost a sixth of the way through their Wednesday. Kazuto couldn't help but smile at that fact, and he chugged some water before falling asleep, genuinely content.

\---

Kazuto awoke sharply to what he could only describe as loud noises. He hazily looked over at the couch, where Klein was in the process of pulling a pillow over his head. Agil, who was sprawled out on the floor thanks to Klein's Kario Mart victory, simply groaned. The noises continued on, forcing the three into hazy, hungover consciousness, until their foggy brains finally processed what the noise was. Suddenly, they weren't so hungover.

It was screaming. Terrified screaming, and lots of it.

As the realization hit home, images began to flood Kazuto's head. He saw the terrifuing first floor boss battle. He watched his first guild die as he stood there, helpless. He could only…

A sudden sharp pain on his face snapped him out of it. He looked up to see Klein gingerly shaking his hand, muttering about how damn hard Kazuto's head was. Kazuto silently thanked him for the much needed slap, and got out of bed.

Agil decided to take charge. "How can we find out what's going on? Who knows, it could be prank or something."

Kazuto thought for a moment. Assuming that the screaming started when they woke up, it probably wouldn't be on the news yet. If it was even a newsworthy story, that is. Maybe Asuna would know what was going on. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, but instinctively groaned. It was 11:30, and Asuna would be in class…

Wait. What if she was in danger? What if her screams were among… No. He forced himself to take a deep breath. For all he knew, Agil was right, and this was some annoying prank or shitty fraternity rush event. Yik Yak would know. Yik Yak always knew. He scrolled through his phone's app list, skimming through the three dimensional projected images, until he found the notorious green logo. You would never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy, but the info was usually good, if you could sort through any added bias.

One glance at the recent posts and he got the answer he wanted. Or, well, that he didn't want. Emotions began to flood his brain. Fear. Worry. The classroom building that his girlfriend was in was under some kind of attack. He dropped his phone, freezing up in shock. But the familiar feeling of adrenaline to pounding its way through his body flipped a switch in his head. He was no longer Kazuto Kirigaya, the quiet, nerdy college student. He was now Kirito, a battle-hardened hero, with two long years of combat experience. He ran over to his closet and nearly ripped off the door, throwing dirty clothes and old shoes out of the way as he climbed atop the mini dresser that Midori had bought him. He pushed one of the roof tiles up and felt around with his hand. After a few panicked seconds, he found what he was looking for. The feel of the hardened fake leather of the re-purposed saxophone case took a huge weight off his shoulder, even though he had just checked for its presence the day before. He had what he needed.

\---

Ever since he'd beaten Sword Art Online, Kazuto suffered from PTSD-fueled nightmares. Every night, he'd jolt awake, covered in sweat with adrenaline surging through his veins, ready to continue whatever losing battle his brain had decided to revisit that night. He saw therapist after therapist, tried medication, and even tried to just quit sleeping. But it was a simple coffee shop encounter, a 20 minute conversation with a stranger, that finally relieved him of his hellish nightmares.

Kirito had been sitting at a table, trying to control his jittery hands enough to down another much-needed cup of coffee, when a large, somewhat old man approached his table. Kirito did his best to fight off the urge to fight or flee as the man asked whether he would mid some company. Kirito knew that he was overreacting, that this man did not really pose a threat, but his sleep deprived brain couldn't quite control his body when his old SAO instincts kicked in. Still, he somehow managed to shake his head, and the man took a seat. He took a sip of his steaming coffee, and gave Kirito a once-over.

"Kid, you're in a Starbucks, not a war zone. Calm down." The man chuckled as Kirito's face blanched. "I don't know what hell a shrimp like you could've gone through, but you've clearly been there. You're eyes are just like mine."

"Uh, what do you mean, sir?"

"I'm going to tell you some stuff that you already know. This building has three exits, four if you feel like taking some shard of glass with you through that front window. I walked up to you with a limp in my left leg, and you already have about a dozen ideas of how you could use that to your advantage in a fight. You're sitting in the single most tactical spot in this café, your back to two walls and a view of all possible entrances and exists to the room." Kirito nodded, intrigued as to how this guy knew that. "Kid, those are the eyes of a warrior, a tired one, and we've both got 'em."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you look like you haven't slept in months, and I know how that feels." That wasn't really far from the truth. Kirito couldn't remember the last time he'd had a full night's sleep. "Nightmares?" Kirito nodded. "Tell me about them." And Kirito did. He told the man about SAO, about Asuna, about Alfheim. He told him the friends lost, the survivor's guilt, and the lives taken. Sure, it felt good to talk, but Kirito knew that it wouldn't solve his issues. He'd vented to plenty of shrinks before.

To the man's credit, he was a very good listener, asking a few questions but never prying for too much information. When Kirito finished talking, the man took a long swig from his coffee.

"A long time ago, I was a soldier. A sniper, actually. I could go on all day with horror stories, and I'm sure I have, just like you could, too." He paused for a moment, surely fighting off the memory of some of those horrors. "When I was at war, I seemed to be one of the few who had a handle on it. I slept relatively well, did my best to keep the mood light, and made a ton of tea fans in my company." He smiled with the last one. "But soon, an eventuality when it comes to war, something happened. My brother, little brother, he was… He was under my command, and he didn't make it back from a mission that I had lead."

"I think that it was God's punishment. I did take his job, controlling fates with the flick of a finger." He imitated the pulling of a trigger. "I ended up quitting the military, and I swore myself a quiet life of peace and pacifism. I told myself that, every day, and yet every night, my mind returned to the war. My few friends became worried. One, a former soldier too, invited me over. He had a wonderful family, a beautiful wife and an adorable daughter, with the white picket fence and everything else that I wanted. Like me, he'd sworn himself to pacifism, to try to atone for the sins of war."

"I'd always been restless, and the PTSD didn't help. I ended up roaming his house, exploring, when I found an old, war-torn trench knife. Why did a pacifist have such a weapon? My sleep-deprived brain could only come up with one answer. My friend must've been suicidal. I got angry. This guy seemingly had it all, and yet he would give it all away, just like that? I confronted him about it."

"He vehemently denied my accusations, nearly laughing in my face. He said that he simply couldn't sleep without it. He said that, like it or not, one's weapon becomes part of its wielder. At war, you carry a weapon every day, you clean it, care for it, and in return, it cares for you. It saves your life."

Kirito thought about that for a moment. "You're talking about a gun like its part of your family."

"You're exactly right. Tell me something, do you have trouble sleeping when you're around this Asuna that you kept mentioning?"

Kirito shook his head. They were rarely afforded the opportunity, and the rare nights that they shared were restless for other reasons, but they always slept well when in each other's arms.

"You love her, just like you love your swords. I ended up following my friend's lead, and through some old connections, I managed to find my old, now retired sniper rifle. It was an M40A3, and I take care of it every day, just like it did for me. And when it's in my house, I sleep much more soundly."

Kirito was beginning to think that this guy was crazy. "You're beginning to sound like a gun-obsessed American hick."

The man couldn't help but laugh at that. "When said like that, you're not wrong. But you're close to seeing my point. I treat my gun like a warrior would treat their gun, because, despite my most vehement swears, I am still a warrior. A person like us, who's been through what we have, can never shake free of that. I believe that it is not the weapon itself that allows me to sleep, but what the weapon symbolizes."

"What does it symbolize?"

"Ah, that is the question most worth answering. It is a sign that, no matter what I do, I will always be a warrior. Life happens whether you make it or not, and I spent a decent chunk of my life ending others. And being a warrior is not a bad thing. After all, a warrior is capable of protecting those precious to it."

A dark question popped into Kirito's head, and despite his best efforts, it showed on his face.

"Kid, if you have a question, ask it. I wouldn't be having this conversation with you if I wasn't willing to dig a little deep."

Kirito gulped. "When you were at war, you were a warrior, right? And if warriors are only warriors so they can protect the ones they care about, then why…"

"Then why did my brother die? I ask myself that question almost every day. My belief is that, like you said, a warrior fights to protect those he cares for. And that war… we weren't fighting to protect anyone. It was a war of deception, of terror, and few of us even knew why we were killing. I killed because I was ordered to kill, and because I didn't want to die. Those are not the acts of a warrior. No, those are the acts of a soldier. The symptoms are the same, but the soul of a warrior is not as troubled as that of a soldier, for a warrior fights an undeniably just battle. Losing my brother, it was the justice that destiny delivered to me." The man seemed to be fighting off tears as he finished speaking.

"I'm sorry! I didn't…" The man held up his hand and shook his head, his eyes telling Kirito to halt his apology. The quiet chatter of the café around them became suddenly prevalent as Kirito thought about what had been said.

After a while, he gave a hint of a smile. "I think that this will actually help me. But I still don't get it. Why waste your time talking to me?"

The man smiled as he got up from the table. "Sometimes, the best way to solve your own problems is to help someone else. Besides, having some coffee with a fascinating stranger is one of life's true delights. Although, to be honest, I much prefer tea." With that, the man left, and Kirito pondered his words.

After a long while, Kazuto took a long swig of his now-cold coffee and left the coffee shop, fresh ideas bouncing like electrons through his head.

Kirito carefully opened the case, and carefully removed its heavily wrapped cargo, gently placing it on his bed. He removed the soft cloth, blinking away the last of the haziness of his hangover. Despite the situation, he couldn't help but smirk as he strapped the two sheathed blades onto his back. Yes, the blades helped him relax and sleep, but there was something else too. See, Kirito wasn't exactly like the man that he'd spoken with that day, years ago. No, Kirito loved to fight.

\---

According to Yik Yak, the screams were coming from the school building directly next to his apartment tower. Asuna was in a room on the third floor, if he recalled correctly. As he was trying to form a plan, a new sound echoed through his eardrums.

Gunshots.

Nope, not there was no time for a plan. He had to move, now. He tore open to door leading to the hallway, but his progress was quickly halted by a hand grabbing the hood of his hoodie.

"Now, now, trying be the hero again, Kirito? Let the little guys get some of the spotlight."

Kirito turned around to see his friends, now fully armed, smirking at him. He raised his eyebrow, looking at their swords.

Agil patted his sword. "You love telling that stupid story about the old man in the café, but he had a point. We both keep our swords in our cars, so they're always with us. We ran downstairs to get them when we saw your phone."

Klein tossed Kirito said phone. "It's got a fresh crack in it now from you dropping it."

Kirito wanted to argue, to tell them to stay behind, stay safe, but he knew that it would be a futile effort. "I have an idea. We need to get to the roof. Follow me." With that, Kirito took off sprinting down the hallway. The bastards had picked the wrong school to fuck with.

Klein pouted, muttering about the lack of a thank you, but they took off after their friend, eager to pay back the debt that they all owed Kirito after SAO. He had saved them all, and this time, he didn't need to do it alone.


	2. Stupid Doors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirito and company have a major issue. How the hell are they going to get into the school building?

As the trio looked around the roof, one thought crossed all of their minds.

Man, this would've been easy in SAO.

And it really would have. The two buildings were only about ten feet apart, and the apartment building they stood on was a single story taller than the school building that they needed to get to. In game, it would've been a simple jump, so easy and convenient that it might have been suspicious. While the group was climbing the stairs, Kirito had envisioned the jump as a simple task.

But the second that he looked over the edge of the rooftop, he knew that it wasn't going to happen. In game, all of the players were automatically in good shape, and that was only improved by leveling up. Injuries were fixed with health items, and a twisted ankle didn't really lead to much of a limp, just a drop in HP. But this wasn't in a video game. Yeah, Kirito might be able to make it to the other rooftop, but not without at least a busted knee or ankle, and that's if he was lucky. They couldn't afford that at all.

Kirito looked over to his friends, who had joined him at the edge, and the looks on their faces mirrored his thoughts. They needed a different solution.

"We could try going downstairs," Klein suggested, but Kirito quickly shook his head.

"There's absolutely no way that the ground floor isn't covered in some way, shape, or form. Hell, even the rooftop might be guarded."

Agil nodded in agreement. "Still, the roof is our best shot." He walked back over to the edge and looked down. "If we could find something long enough, we could bridge over from the fire escape." Kirito looked back over the edge and saw what Agil was talking about. The apartment building had the standard black, slightly mangled mess of rusty metal ladders and walkways that somehow qualified as a safe way to leave the building in the event of a fire. The railings meant that they couldn't build enough momentum to use it as a spot to jump, but it did shorten the distance between the buildings. Plus, it seemed like the escape's landing on the floor below was somewhat level with the roof of the opposing building.

Unfortunately, the roof was bare of any obvious potential bridges, unless they wanted to build their way over with empty beer cans and used condoms. Kirito and Klein groaned in frustration, but Agil unsheathed his sword and began walking back toward the roof access door.

"Agil, where are you going?"

Agil smiled. "Getting our bridge." He wedged the tip of his sword into a screw on one of the door's hinges. The pair quickly smiled in realization, and ran over to help their friend with the door.

In theory, it was brilliant. The door was plenty tall enough, and the weather-proofed metal structure should easily support their weight. They could even use the little spring box at the top of the door, meant to slow the door when it was being closed, as a makeshift hook to keep the bridge from sliding.

In practice, it was taking forever. Unscrewing rusty screws was never an easy task to begin with, and the fact that they were using massive swords to do so made it exponentially more frustrating and difficult. Kirito's increasingly shaky hands certainly didn't expedite the process either, as he fought to keep the panicked and worried thoughts in the back of his head.

After far too long a wait, the hinges popped out, and with a very satisfying slug from Klein's sword, the spring box connection arm snapped off and the door came free. And quickly proceeded to nearly crush Klein, seemingly in vengeance for the rough handling of its connection arm. Damn was that door heavy.

The group quickly realized that Agil was the only one who could even vaguely handle the weight of the thing on his own, so he would go and wait on the fire escape. Kirito and Klein lugged the door to the edge of the building, and positioned it directly over the waiting Agil. They proceeded to _very_ carefully pass the door-bridge down to their waiting friend, who, in a Herculean miracle, somehow wrestled the thing it was resting next to him.

Kirito and Klein sped down the ancient ladder, ignoring the suspicion that doing so had just given them Tetanus, and joined Agil on the landing. With a lack of any better ideas, the three young men began to slowly tilt the door over the edge of the railing. Everything was going smoothly as the far end of the door creeped toward the edge of the school building.

Suddenly, a slight creaking noise groaned from the railing, and the group froze. After a heartbeat, all hell broke loose.

The railing collapsed outward, crumbling as it fell into the distant abyss of the alleyway and making extraordinarily piercing sounds as it ricocheted off of the two buildings. Kirito reacted instantly, and stomped down on the falling door, successfully securing their bridge to the floor of the fire escape.

"Shit! Quick, get it to the other side!" Kirito called out, no longer caring for stealth. If anybody really was listening, they'd been discovered already. The door-bridge, while somewhat stable under Kirito's sneaker, jutted out at a diagonal, and wasn't quite touching the other building yet. Agil and Klein slowly rotated the door, carefully trying to preserve the balance of their glorified paperweight as he tried to steady himself. After a few endless seconds, the door-bridge was safely balanced on the other side. Kirito took a step back, to see if the bridge would support its own weight, and a loud slamming noise echoed through the alleyway. Huh, it seemed weird, but Kirito didn't think it came from the bridge. He looked up to try to find the… holy shit holy shit holy shit! That sound? Yeah, it was the slamming shut of the roof hatch. There were now a few people on the opposing roof, and one of them was holding something dark and metallic. "GET ACROSS NOW!"

Kirito dove across the pseudo-bridge, sloppily rolling out of his sprawl behind some kind of duct. His friends quickly followed suit, and Kirito poked his head up to try to further assess the situation. He didn't even get a chance to look before Agil threw him back down behind their cover as a new sound filled their eardrums.

Gunfire. Automatic gunfire.

"What the hell is happening?!" Klein whisper-yelled. Agil and Kirito ignored their friend, hoping that he would piece it together himself. They needed to do something ASAP.

Agil unsheathed his sword and held it up over their cover. He used the polished steel as a mirror, examining the situation with the useful trick he picked up back in Aincrad. "It looks like there are three guys. They're over by the access hatch. It looks like only one of them has a gun. Wait, one of them is starting to walk over here. He's holding someth… FUCK GET DOWN!"

Kirito and Klein followed the order and flattened themselves to the concrete of the rooftop, expecting a barrage of gunfire to come piercing through their rather pathetic cover. Nothing seemed to happen for a split second, but then it sounded like something landed next to Klein. He looked over to find the source of the noise and saw the small, metal ball that hadn't been there beforehand. Instinctively curious, he tried to pick up the strange object, but its apparently scalding temperature caused him to instantly fling it away. It bounced over in the direction of their bridge, eventually rolling off the edge of the building.

Not a second after it went over the edge, a loud bang filled the air, and Klein felt like his ears had just exploded.

"KLEIN YOU DUMBASS THAT WAS A GRENADE!" Agil yelled, but his shaggy companion stared blankly back at him, blinking cluelessly. The confounded look on the bartender's face only grew more extreme when he heard other present friend maniacally cackling in his other ear.

Kirito quickly got himself under control, remembering their current situation. "Sorry." He looked over at Klein. "I don't think the dumb bastard even realizes what happened. He probably can't hear a thing right now. He accidentally saved us though, so credit to him." Agil shook his head, but the pair quickly returned to combat mode.

They were pinned down, and they had quite literally brought knives to a gunfight. They needed a plan. Agil decided to risk it and poke his head up for a split second. He did his best to take a mental snapshot of the rooftop, and he thought for a moment after he returned to the cover.

"All three of them are over by the hatch now. They were talking about something. I think they know exactly how fucked we are, so they're taking their time."

Kirito nodded, having expected as much. "So what do we do?"

"There's a bunch of air conditioning vents and ducts up here, like the one we're hiding behind. It looks like one of the vents is right by the roof access hatch. Klein and I are probably too big, but you could probably climb through the ducts and work your way over to their position without being seen if we can get you into one."

Kirito thought about it for a moment. It wasn't exactly the safest of plans, and it was kinda obvious, but it was all they had. "I'll do it. Try to work the panel off. I'll keep them occupied and be back here in a couple." He quickly scurried away, not giving Agil the chance to respond.

He stole Agil's mirror move to take a quick look at the attackers. They were starting to walk over to the spot where his friends were sheltered, apparently oblivious to Kirito's movements. He needed a distraction. How did the heros do it in the movies?

They usually threw a rock or something, right? The noise supposedly knocked pursuers off the trail, forcing them to look around for the source of the sound. Unfortunately, Kirito was on a roof, and there were no deus ex rocks sitting around. Thinking quickly, he patted through his pockets… Perfect! He pulled out his freshly-cracked smartphone. He fumbled it for a moment, but he managed to pry the case of it. Rock acquired.

Kirito figured that it would probably be best to Frisbee-throw the flat projectile, so he wound up for the backhanded motion as he popped up. He quickly searched for a good target… There! There was a large satellite dish about 15 feet from his position. It was a big target, and it should make a nice, loud noise when the phone case hit it. He took one last look at the enemies, who were still walking over to his friends, and fired away.

He watched as the case flew through the chilly, fall air, sailing toward its target…

Only to see it cruise right on by the satellite dish, missing right as it glided right off the roof without touching anything. Shit. Fuck Frisbees. The men had almost reached his friends. He needed to do something quickly.

He looked down at the phone that was still in his other hand. He had an idea. A brilliantly retarded idea, but an idea.

He unlocked the phone and quickly tapped the custom application that he had made. He waited for the app to load, and was soon greeted by a very familiar face.

"Hey Yui! No time to talk. I'm about to yell something, and then I'm going to throw my phone somewhere. Record what I yell and replay it a few times when the phone stops moving. If somebody that you don't recognize picks up the phone, just try to keep them occupied. Got it?" Kirito whispered into the phone's microphone.

Yui nodded and smiled. She missed when Mommy and Daddy would spend entire days playing MMORPGs with her. Now, they were usually too busy, but this sounded exactly like something that Kirito would tell her to do in a game.

Kirito gulped and enacted his wonderfully spontaneous plan.

"CAH-CAW!" he yelled, and he instantly threw the phone across the roof top. He didn't even spare a glance as he scurried back to Agil's position as quickly as he could, staying hidden behind the various ducts. Sure enough, he heard his recording begin playing back right as he reached his friends.

"What the fuck was that, Kirito!?" Agil whispered-yelled to his friend as Kirito snuck a glance over the cover. He breathed a sigh of relief as he saw two of the men walking over to investigate the noise on the other side of the roof. The third had returned to the hatch, suspecting further action.

Kirito smiled and replied, "The greatest distraction ever." With that, he climbed into the now-sideless duct and disappeared into the shadows.

* * *

Kirito could barely keep himself from chuckling as he overheard some of Yui's conversation while he was navigating the maze of ducts. She was lecturing the men on their lack of sunscreen on the bright rooftop while brilliantly hinting that she knew their exact identities. The men, in response, were struggling to interrogate her with their broken English, desperate to find out how this seemingly normal little girl, who somehow knew everything about them, had ended up talking to them on a phone in the middle of their attack.

God bless Yui and he somewhat terrifying access to government databases. Facial recognition was awesome.

Kirito continued his adventure through the ducts until finally coming across the correct vent. Luckily, the cold fall weather meant that the exhaust fan was left off, and he maneuvered his body into the tight space between the fan and the vent grate. He peeked through the slotted metal cover, and couldn't help but smirk at just how successful his little plan had been. Surely enough, two of the men were still conversing with the phone, seemingly getting more frustrated by the second. They were about 20 feet from the vent. The other man was still by the access hatch, sub machine gun by his hip as he stood a few short feet away.

Kirito took a deep breath and focused his mind. He stopped fighting the rage and worry that had been lurking in the depths of the back of his head, instead accepting them. Adrenaline began to course through his cramped limbs, and his brain cleared of all unnecessary thoughts. It was time to fight.

He propped the lower part of his back against the center axle of the fan and gently rested his feet on the external grate, leaving his body in a weird, horizontal fetal position. With a mental count of three, he pulled his feet back and extended them outward with all of his might. Thankfully, the grate gave, and he rolled his shoulders backwards, sliding himself back into the near blinding sunlight of the rooftop. A familiar feeling took over his body, and time seemed to slow as Kirito's battle-trained mind directed his couch-worn body into action.

First target. 5, maybe 6 feet ahead. Armed with an SMG. Still surprised. Attack now.

Kirito lunged forward at the armed man, seeing the need to attack before the gun could be raised and aimed. In one smooth motion, Kirito closed the gap between them, unsheathed his swords, and launched a sweeping swing with the blade in his left hand. The swipe ricocheted off the gun, knocking it from the man's grasp, before continuing toward the upper part of his right rib cage. The blade cut through its target's black tactical jack like a hot knife through butter, continuing through the man's chest as it cut from the man's armpit through his right breast. After that, the blade bit into something hard. Kirito tried to pull the sword back, but it was stuck.

No time to worry about it. He released his left sword and rotated in the direction that he last saw the other two men. One of them was practically in his face, lunging forth with some kind of machete. Kirito redirected the attempted stab with his remaining sword, using the blow's momentum to roll to the side.

He parried another blow as he analyzed his opponent. He could practically hear SAO's combat indicator noise, and he was subconsciously fell further and further back into the persona only known as The Black Swordsman. Still, something was nagging him from the very edge of his brain.

Too bad. Kirito was given no time to think as his opponent launched a sweeping strike, aimed to separate head from neck. Kirito ducked under the blow and… There! An opening. Kirito feinted a leftward strike, turning his body as he would to swing a baseball bat lefty. Instead of swinging through with his left hand, however, he backhanded the hilt with his right hand and swiftly stabbed forward.

The blade plunged into the off-balanced man's chest, piercing through until it too became lodged on something. The sudden halt of his forward inertia send Kirito into a tumble. He rolled out of it, standing up in the direction that he had last seen the third and final enemy…

Only to find himself staring down the barrel of a compact pistol. In an instant, it all made sense. After all, who the hell would only bring one gun to a fight? It was a dumb mistake, an ignorant guess that there were no hidden weapons. Now, that horribly erroneous assumption would cost Kirito his life. He heard the gunshot, and… well, nothing.

He opened his unknowingly closed eyes to see Klein wrestling with the man on the ground. Still shocked, he looked on silently as Agil ran forward, lining up a strike at the clumsily pinned man. He could only watch as his friend delivered the blow, Happy Gilmore-ing his blade straight into the man's head. The man instantly froze

It was over.

Kirito's heart slowed as the adrenaline began to leave his system, but it began to speed up again for a new reason as he looked around. He fell to his knees and desperately wrapped his arms around his head, hopelessly trying to think about something else, anything else. Agil and Klein looked at Kirito for a moment, confused, until their eyes widened in realization.

All three of them had killed before, in SAO. They had knowingly, willingly ended lives with the swing of a blade. But in SAO, people died… cleanly. There was no blood, no gore. They would just slowly lose consciousness over the course of a few seconds, feeling no pain as they shattered into dozens of polygons that quickly faded into nonexistence. The process was as clean as a death could be. The entire thing was painless, and it left no painful reminders to haunt the killer after the fact.

And it still nearly broke Kirito.

This, this was a whole new level. No, this wasn't even the same game. This was disgusting, horrifying. Obviously, Kirito knew somewhere that this was real, but he hadn't truly understood what that meant. Kirito's subconscious had tried to warn him, in the midst of the fight, that something was different, was only now did he realize what the warning was.

Why had the swords stuck?

That was wrong. In all of his years of digital sword fighting, Kirito had never seen a sword become stuck in an enemy. Why would they? Games didn't need to understand the internal structure of a human being. A stab to x spot does y damage. Simple. People in games were made of one material.

But humans, in reality, have bones. Hard bones, that even the sharpest of swords would struggle to cut through. And, Kirito painfully realized, both of his swords were currently lodged in two separate spinal columns. The victims, judging from the gurgling sounds that Kirito just couldn't bring himself to find the source of, were still alive, and in extreme pain. How could he have done this?

Suddenly, Kirito felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Agil with a grim look on his face. He said one word, a single word, and walked away. That was all it took. Kirito would deal with this later. His feelings and mental health were not the priority right now.

"Asuna."

Kirito got up and slowly walked over to retrieve his blades, doing his best to maintain his composure in the presence of dying men. Evil men, sure. Did they deserve to die? Most likely. But, Kirito thought, nobody deserved to die at the hands of a coward. That was one of the lessons he had learned in Sword Art Online.

He carefully jiggled both blades loose, and he removed his slightly bloodied hoodie. Kirito used the sweatshirt to clean the gory blades. He did the same to his phone, which had fallen from the grasp of one of the men into a pool of blood. As he sheathed his swords, he looked over at his friends, where Agil was calming down Klein. That was Agil, alright. Reliable. Steady. The calm eye at the heart of the storm.

Kirito dropped the gory hoodie to the ground, and found himself hoping that the camera hadn't picked up much of what had just happened. They needed to rescue Asuna, and Yui was going to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Due to the incredible response that the first chapter to this story received, I've expanded the plot a bit. It's still not going to be insanely long, but I stepped up the scale a bit. I will say no more :P Oh, and I have a tumblr, treykuzon, where I'll aggregate any extra content and art from the story. I'm already working on some college adventure one shots (from this little universe) that I'll probably wait to post to FF and AO3 until after this story is complete.
> 
> Also, I somehow managed to make a somewhat simple scene stretch out over 3,000 words. I promise that future fights will both be better-written and more concise. I've never been good at portraying the action I envision in my head, so if you guys have any advice, feel free to tell me. I definitely need the help.
> 
> Anyway, this will be the last unbeta-ed chapter that I'll post. Thank you to all of the volunteers who messaged me. I wanted to get this out before I have to finish studying for my last two exams.
> 
> Thank you guys soooooo much for the fantastic response that this story has received so far. I feel like I've put more work into this fic than I ever have before, and its incredibly satisfying to see the response follow that feeling. Hope you guys enjoyed, and be sure to let me know what you all think!


	3. Behind Enemy Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew finally enters the school building. Meanwhile, Yui works on acquiring some outside help.

"Well, at least we have guns now," Kirito remarked as he fiddled with a magazine from the pistol that he had pulled off of one of the bodies. Klein had already claimed the SMG, and, by the crucial Law of Dibs, Agil and Kirito couldn't really do anything about it.

"That doesn't change the fact that we're totally fucked, Kirito," Agil said as he gave the slight college student a look. "Any advantage that we had is gone now that we know how these guys are armed. You're not 'The Black Gunman'. Bullets aren't exactly our thing."

Klein, despite the current situation, couldn't resist. "No, 'The Black Gunman' would be you, Agil. Well, if you had a gun, anyway. Which you don't. Heh. Get it? Because you're…" He was cutoff as he was forced to dodge a half-hearted punch from said 'Black Gun-less-man'.

"Have some faith, Agil. I have a plan."

Agil halted his pursuit and faced Kirito with a deadpan look on his face. "Does it involve a thrown phone and a bad Chuck reference again? Because, if it does, I'm just gonna get it over with now and jump off the roof."

Kirito ignored the (hopefully) sarcastic remark and pulled out his phone. Yui appeared on the screen, and he began explaining his plan. "Yui, gather up as much info as you can about these guys and get it to the police. Try 911, or better yet, use those databases to find a specific number. We'll probably get useful help here faster. Either way, I need to leave the phone out here. It's impossible to get a cell signal inside, with all of the lab equipment."

That happened to be one of the biggest issues with the situation. Asuna was currently in her General Physics class, which, of course, was in the Science building. The building housed all kinds of labs, some literally designed to block all exterior radio waves to prevent interference. In a very questionable design choice, one of these labs was on the very top floor of the building, and it blocked anything resembling a cell signal from getting into the building. Hell, there wasn't even any wireless internet available anywhere outside of the café in the lobby, to avoid needless interference.

Next, Kirito turned to his friends. "Agil, you're gonna hate this, but it's the only way. We're going to go in loud and fast, cause some chaos, and haul ass to Asuna's room. Once we get there, we'll barricade ourselves in."

Agil opened his mouth to protest, but Klein beat him to it. "And then what? We'll just be three extra hostages, if we even make it that far."

Kirito smiled. "For a little while, yeah. But Yui's getting help, remember? When the calvary comes, we'll get out. Whether it's rescue or just us using the chaos, it should be enough. Remember, Asuna isn't exactly a damsel in distress. If we need to fight our way out, so be it. We can all hold our own."

Agil grimaced. He had to admit that the plan wasn't… horrible. Sprinting through the building would almost exclusively create close combat encounters, and they could more than handle themselves there. But there was just so much that could go wrong…

"Well, it's all we got, and we don't exactly have time to think of anything else. Let's do it."

Kirito smirked.

* * *

A couple of minutes later, they were ready. Klein stood directly in fron of the access hatch, ready to take point. He had several ammo magazines sticking out of the many pockets of his old North Face jacket, ready to be loaded into his submachine gun at a moment's notice. His Katana, a futile weapon for his role, remained sheathed on his back.

Kirito, they decided, would be the designated 'rusher'. If therwere forced to slow down, Kirito would use Klein's covering fire to get in close enough to use his swords. He stood directly behind Klein, pistol temporarily in hand, ready to jump right after his shaggy friend. His trusy swords would remain sheathed until the trio was safely inside, where he would give the pistol to Agil.

Agil, as Kirito had smugly put it, was the 'doorman'. He would open the hatch for Klein, hopefully reducing the total time of the whole shebang and preserving what was left of their dwindling element of surprise. Once inside, he would take the pistol and cover their rear. If the plan went perfectly, they would storm right by far more enemies than they would actually disable, and somebody had to keep those left behind from catching up. Kirito might have been the better shot, but his dual swords would like be more effective than Agil's salvaged fire axe.

Yui, meanwhile, was using an alarming portion of her processing power to ponder the possibility of AI self-harm, as she tried to navigate the infuriating bog of bureaucracy between her and the Emergency Response Services that she seeked.

"You guys ready?" Kirito asked as he did a final once-over of his hastily assembled mental checklist.

Agil and Klein simply nodded. There were times to plan, to shrewdly cross examine every possible eventuality of an endeavor. Agil liked those times. This, however, was not one of those occasions. No, this situation called for haste and adaptability. It was…

Well, Klein put it best.

"Time's up, let's do this!" Klein called out as Agil pulled the hatch open. "LEEEEEROYYYYY JENKKKKKINSS!"

* * *

Kirito dove through the opened hatch as soon as Klein's body was clear. He was only half-ready for the following ten foot drop, but he recovered smoothly… enough. Instantly on high alert, he raised his pistol and scanned the area for potential targets. His laser focus was soon interrupted by a groan.

"Man that hurt! Ugh, all clear, by the way," Klein whimpered from the floor, where he was still laying on his back. So much for Leeroy Jenkins. He brought himself to his feet just as Agil finished smugly climbing down the ladder to join them.

They were in a stairwell, surrounded only by drab off-white paint and the musky smell that one could only find in a school corridor. Wordlessly, they began moving in their crude formation. Agil had warned that the opening of the hatch would've likely set off an alarm of some kind, and they needed to gain as much ground as possible before somebody came to check it out.

Surely enough, just as they reached the landing for the 8th floor, a door slammed open on the landing beneath them. Accented military chatter began to echo through the stairwell.

Kirito was the first to take action. He wedged his body under the handrail and wrapped his fingers around the lip on the edge of the stairs. He caught his friends' eyes and nodded towards the next section of steps, silently telling them to move up when he did, well, whatever it was that he was doing. They nodded in return, seemingly understanding the gist of the gesture. Kirito took a deep breath and jumped.

He threw his body out into the center of the stairwell, directly over the practically bottomless abyss. As he began to drop, he used his grip on the edge to pull himself forward, and he let go. As his head cleared the steps, the situation came into view. There were three of them, just like the last time on the roof, and they were dressed in similar black tactical garb. There was, unfortunately, one big difference. This time, they all had guns. Big, mean looking guns.

Kirito brought his hands up to the sheathed swords on his back as he fell toward the landing, ready to spring into combat. In SAO, it would have been perfect. He would have used his momentum to roll straight onto his feet, quickly slashing at and disarming his reeling opponents.

Unfortunately for him, this wasn't SAO, and Kazuto Kirigaya had spent far too much of his time since SAO eating cheese puffs and generally not moving. So, it shouldn't have surprised him when his foot caught on the railing below him, catapulting him into a face plant of epic proportions.

Thankfully, the men were justifiably confused by the bellyflopping kid from the sky, and they took a precious second or two to attempt to process whatever the fuck had just happened. That was more than enough time for Klein to come around the corner, raise his gun, and spray the enemies in a shower of hot lead while Kirito lay safely prone on the floor.

Klein fought off the urge to make fun of his friends' woeful attempt at badassery as he pulled Kirito to his feet. It would have to wait. Gunfire in a tiny enclosed space like this was, simply put, loud as fuck, and there would inevitably be more people heading this way to investigate.

Agil pocketed his pistol as he pulled the assault rifle and some clips off of one of the men. "Let's go."

* * *

Captain Alex Casey was not having a good day. Not one bit.

It had started off reasonably well enough. She'd managed to not burn her breakfast toast, a nearly impossible feat with the new toaster her husband had had bought the week before. Her dog decided to not pee all over the newspaper on their morning walk, so that was a nice change of pace as well. No, everything was quite fine until she turned on the news.

A break to commercials broke her focus, and she was out the door before the broadcast resumed. The city, HER city, was under attack. And the ex-marine wasn't going to sit idly by.

Except, well, she basically was. She was a freshly promoted SWAT Captain, and the sheer chaos in the office ensured that her and her new team were strictly on the sidelines. She'd arrived 15 minutes prior and she was still sitting there, twiddling her thumbs.

Solid information was hard to come by. The city had sent a massive response team to the first confirmed reports, which stated that the city's Grand Mall was under attack. Then, a smaller team was sent to the Riverwalk, where several of the district's hipster residents had reported gunfire. More and more reports came in, and nobody really knew which to believe.

"Captain Casey!"

Casey quickly turned around to find the source of the voice, and she was met with the face of her CO. "Sir."

"There's a little girl on line 4 that we can't hang up on. Go and talk to her."

Casey raised her eyebrow. "Sir, to be frank, who cares about the feelings of a little girl on a day like this? We need that line open. Just hang up."

Her CO glanced sideways. "We've been trying that for 20 minutes. She has the line forced open, and she's requesting a SWAT captain. It's… strange."

"A little girl?"

"Just answer the phone, smartass. That's an order."

Casey rolled her eyes and returned to her desk. She opened line 4 and picked up her phone.

"Captain Alex Casey speaking."

Surely enough, there was a little girl on the other end. Or, it sounded like a little girl. She certainly wasn't talking like one, though.

"Finally, a captain. Ms. Casey, a building at the college is under attack. Multiple gunmen confirmed."

Somehow, this wasn't sitting right with the Captain. "Um, to whom am I speaking?"

The girl cleared her throat. "You said your name was Alex Casey, correct? Newly promoted captain, former marine… Gotcha here. OK, so I'm not a little girl, really. No time to explain that, though. I'm pushing a briefing of the situation onto your desktop. It should be there… now."

Surely enough, a text file popped onto her screen. "Wait, how did you do that? This network is secure."

"Not for me. My Mommy and Daddy need help. Everything you need should be in that document. Photos and proof, too. Just get here as soon as possible."

With that, the line clicked, and the call dropped. Casey shifted her focus to her computer, still utterly confounded by whatever had just happened. She skimmed through the document, and could hardly believe what she was reading. It was incredibly comprehensive. There was info on the attackers, along with known identities and arms. Then there were the kids, from the neighboring building, who had forced their way in to help a friend. With fucking swords. Jeez.

She went back to the beginning of the report and read it from the top. She would need all of the info that she could get before briefing her team. In similar times, her dad hadn't followed orders to be patient. Neither would she. Heh, guess it was in her blood.

Still, she had never given a briefing before… Oh well, first time for everything. Those kids were on their own, and they needed somebody the even the sides out, just a little bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long wait, guys. Life hit me with some haymakers but I'm finally back on my feet. Enjoy the new chapter :D
> 
> Also, I feel obliged to whore out my tumblr, treykuzon. I've yet to get a single follower. Meesa sad.
> 
> -theb3arjew


	4. A Flash of Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This short chapter is dedicated to my dog, Dallas, who was put down last night at the far-too-young age of 7. It may seem cliche, but that dog was like a brother to me, and with all the shit that's been going on in my life recently, it really hurts that he won't be at my side, helping me weather the storm. RIP pup, I know you're up there somewhere, probably find some way to haunt my little brother just to fuck with him one more time.
> 
> (This chapter was originally written (and published) in late January, when I wasn't exactly in a great place mentally. Writing has always been a path to vent down, and it definitely shows in the way that this chapter came out.

Asuna was bored. So, so, so very bored.

Her eyes shifted over to the digital clock above the classroom door. She knew, from hours of experimentation, that the clock was exactly 37 seconds slow. Somehow, researching that pointless tidbit had been infinitely more interesting that the topic of the class.

It wasn't the professor's fault, mind you. Professor Jones was about as entertaining as a 60-something year old man could be. His tangential stories were the stuff of legends. Literally. They were too crazy to have actually happened, but somehow also too crazy too have been made up.

No, Asuna just had a natural distaste for physics. Don't get her wrong, she loved science. She wanted to become a doctor, after all. But she just genuinely despised to particular topic of physics. It just didn't click with her. Yes, she understood that a ball would fall if she dropped it. She just didn't feel the need to be able to calculate the peak velocity of the ball.

Ugh, she really hated the medical program's general education requirements.

Still, she had to give Professor Jones a ton of credit. He was, by all accounts, a brilliant man, and teaching the subject of "General Physics I" would normally be far beneath such a mind. Yet, he was like a kid in an amusement park, legitimately excited to share this basic knowledge with the next generation.

The static clicking of the PA system coming to life broke Asuna from her reverie. After a moment, the Dean of the STEM Department's voice filled the room at an annoying loud volume.

"Attention to all students and faculty, I need Professor Jones…" There was an audible gulp. "HANK YOU GOTTA STAY SAFE! THEY'RE AFTER THE…" A loud bang echoed from the PA speaker, and the transmission cut off.

Crap, crap, crap, crap, CRAP! Asuna knew that sound. How could she not? It was, goddamn it, it had to be a gunshot. Why the hell was there a gunshot?! Was that guy just shot? What the hell was…

No, she couldn't do that. Panicking wouldn't help anyone. She dug deep and shoved all of that chaotic confusion out of her head entirely. After all, that's all panic is. It's just a brain worried that it doesn't understand something. And how does one resolve that? Easy. If you don't know something, ask some questions. She knew that she could do this. She'd done it before.

See, back in SAO, every member of their little crew had a role, something that they specialized in. Kirito was the fighter. Yeah, they could all fight, but they all had moments when they had to just sit back in amazement as Kirito defeated some unbeatable enemy. Agil was the brains, his advice keeping them together and his wits keeping them alive. Klein, well, Klein was a lot of things. They had been through dark times, and it was always Klein who forced a smile onto his face and started bringing everybody out of the dumps. As degrading as it sounds, he was almost like their dog. Fiercely loyal, unflappably goofy, and always there to protect them.

And Asuna? It was simple, really. She was the leader. She had led and lost men in battle, and she could force herself to think when nobody else could. So, she looked around the room, at all of the confused and worried students, at the Professor who was currently fumbling with the lock on the door, and she knew exactly what she had to do.

She would lead. She would get through this, and she would get everybody else through too.

* * *

Klein peeked through the little window in the door that connected the stairwell to the third floor.

"There's a bunch of scary-looking dudes messing with one of the doors. What are the odds that Asuna's in that room?"

Agil sighed. "With our luck? Pretty damn high."

Kirito, who was taking advantage of the short break in the action to massage his now-sore back, spoke up. "It doesn't really matter whether she's in there or not. It's not like we can go and check any of the other rooms with them out there like that. We're gonna need to get rid of them, either way."

Klein pulled back from the window and looked at Kirito. "So what's the crazy plan this time?"

Kirito shrugged as he looked through the window. "I've got nothing. They outnumber us 2:1, and they're too far away to rush at."

Klein nodded in understanding. Kirito's planning skills seemed to be limited to ridiculous distractions and blatantly charging, and neither would be of much help in this situation.

Agil thought for a moment. "Kirito, you said that phones don't work in here, right?"

Kirito nodded. "Yeah, the whole building's essentially one big signal blocker."

Agil smirked. Now it was his turn to present the crazy plan. Only his was actually brilliant. Take that, Kirito. "So radios and walkies wouldn't work in there either?"

Kirito nodded. "I don't see how they would."

"Perfect."

Klein butted in. "How is that perfect? We can't call for help. That seems like it blows, because it does. It blows."

Agil nodded. "Yeah, we can't call for help, but they can't, either. Not only that, but if they don't have radios or anything, then they don't even have a way to talk to each other, outside of just talking in person. Heh, this is great! We'll be able to walk right up to them!"

Klein countered. "Last time I checked, we weren't creepy Eastern European gunmen. Just saying."

"Yeah, but there are three perfectly good ones up on the 8th floor landing. If we put on their kits, helmet and all, they won't be able to tell the difference until it's too late. They'll probably think that we have new orders for them, or something."

This time, Kirito spoke up. "Too late for what?"

Agil's face voided of all emotion as he realized what the next step of his plan entailed. "Too late for them to do anything when we spray them down as soon as we're close enough."

Klein's face lit up in anger. "We can't just do that!"

"Why not? That's what you did up on the landing."

"That's not fair and you know it! I was protecting Kirito. This, this is murder in cold blood!"

Agil opened his mouth to counter, but he couldn't find the words. Truth was, the more he thought about the plan, the more sick his stomach felt. Still, it was their only option. He started to try to express this to Klein, but Kirito cut him off.

"We'll do it. Let's go get the uniforms."

Klein was bewildered. "Kirito, how could… We can't do this! We'll be no better than them!"

Kirito looked up, and Klein couldn't help but cringe when he saw the look on the Black Swordsman's face. It was dark, serious, and, more than anything else, desperate. But there was something else, confined to the gleam in his eyes. It was sadness, a resignation, the acceptance that he would, no, he had to give up what remained of his humanity to save the girl he loved. For a moment, no words were spoken.

Klein sighed. He didn't like the plan, but Kirito was his friend. No, that wasn't even true. They were practically brothers. Agil too, along with Asuna. Well, she was a sister, but whatever. Their whole group from SAO, they were one big, fucked up family. And you don't leave family behind, not for anything.

"Fine, I'll do it. But you guys are stripping the baddies, and dibs on the cleanest kit. I don't want blood from a guy I KILLED all over me, if I can help it."

* * *

Professor Henry Jones could be called many things. He was a scientist, an expert in many, too many fields of study. He was an adventurer, an explorer seeking knowledge and thrills. He was a teacher, father, and grandfather. But this situation called for a soldier, and that was one hat which he'd never worn.

Fortunately, it was proving to not be a big deal. Somebody else was filling that role. Strangely.

Asuna Yuki, the quiet, perpetually politely-uninterested girl who sat in the back of the room, had strutted through the rows of desks, milking every possible ounce of confidence and authority out of her innocent, feminine frame. It was truly intriguing to see. She looked like a girl, but gave off the vibe of a soldier.

His current situation, however, was not intriguing. No, the Professor was not looking forward to it at all.

Right after calming the masses, Asuna wasted no time to walk straight up to him. She asked the question that he had sworn, under threat of court martial, to never answer. Well, not exactly, but the answer would be the same.

And he was going to answer. Mostly. She demanded it, and he would oblige, as none of them would even be in this mess if it wasn't for his actions.

"To keep it simple, I received a grant, from the government, to complete some top secret research on… well, some stuff. The project requires nuclear materials, and they provided me with a small amount. From what the Dean said, I have to assume that whoever killed him is after that material."

Asuna took a moment to process that information. "Where is this material? And what are they going to do with it? Are they trying to make…"

The Professor cut her off. "No, they can't make a nuke, not with the volume of nuclear material that I have. They could, however, make a radioactive 'dirty bomb'. And I think it's wise that I alone know the location of my research."

Asuna could see the logic in that. If he told her, now the… whoever it was would have two targets who knew where the radioactive stuff was at.

Alright, what to do? There was gunfire in a school. Surely, somebody knows, and help would arrive at some point. Was escape an option? No, she wouldn't leave everyone behind just to ensure her own safety, and she was likely the only one who knew how to fight. Even then, she was unarmed.

They would hold up in the classroom. Barricade the door, block the windows, the whole nine yards. They would wait for whatever help that was hopefully on the way.

With any luck, it would come soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized yesterday that I'd completely forgotten to update this story on AO3. I'll be getting it back up to date in the coming days. Stay tuned!
> 
> As always, hoped ya enjoyed the chapter. Like I mentioned earlier, I wasn't exactly in the mood to fluff it up with the usual filler and humor, so it probably reads a bit different than normal, but I don't necessarily think its worse. Either way, lemme know what ya think!
> 
> -theb3arjew


	5. Enemy at the Gates

Asuna felt like she was the kid from Home Alone 12. If any of the intruders managed to get through the locked, barricaded door (all 1.5 inches of recycled wood), they would be in for a mean surprise. She took a long, appraising look at the room around her, and a lone conclusion echoed through her consciousness.

The nerds and geeks of Physics 101 played way too many video games. And yes, she was a massive hypocrite.

It really was a work of deranged art, though. Two of the students had arranged a massive array of blinking lasers, and had pointed them all at the door, where they would theoretically blind any successful baddies. A separate group was working on weaponizing the huge variety of magnets they had pulled from lab storage. They weren't quite as successful, as the multiple bloody noses would verify, but the idea was there.

Yet another horde of well-meaning students were concocting a bucket of what could only be described as sludge. Whatever it really was, they had poured a massive amount of Elmer's glue into it, and they planned to somehow rig it up above the door upon completion.

But it was their professor who had truly embraced the devious task. As soon as Asuna had calmed everyone down, he had disappeared into the lab storage closet. Moments later, he returned with a bin full of electrical components and a (barely figurative) light bulb glowing above his head.

He quickly lugged the bin over to the door and got to work. Several unoccupied students (Asuna included) wandered over to watch, well, whatever it was that he was doing. As he put the finishing touches on his masterpiece, he began to explain it to the gathered crowd.

"So, I did some, uh, Adam, how did you phrase it during class earlier?"

The aforementioned student smiled at the memory. "Sciencing."

"Ah, yes. So, I did some 'sciencing', and I came up with this." He waved his hands around the contraption as if he was presenting some incredible magic trick. As far as Asuna was concerned, it might as well been magic.

The professor saw the multitude of confused looks, and he awkwardly rubbed the back of his head. "Oh, I suppose we haven't reached the electrical chapter yet. I promise you, it is truly interesting stuff… Here, let me explain this."

"This," he pointed at a disc-looking thingy, "is a capacitor. It basically holds a bunch of electricity, and can dispel it quickly. What I've done is wire it into this here battery, which serves as a power supply, and the door's lock. The circuitry is a bit too complicated for any of you to understand quite yet, but the result should be quite clear. When the bad guys do anything to move the bolt of the lock, that bolt will complete a circuit that will unload quite a bit of electricity into whoever next touches that door handle."

As the unofficial leader of their little resistance, Asuna couldn't help but feel a little proud. Was she confident in their traps? Not really. Their best chance had always been the barricaded door, and a bucket of glue, some lasers, and a bunch of magical electricity didn't change that. But, if the worst case scenario played out and the intruders did, in fact, intrude, at least they wouldn't be going down without a fight.

A few moments later, the door began rattling, and the whole class knew exactly what that meant. As planned, they retreated to the lab storage closet and crossed their fingers.

After a couple more tense minutes, everything exploded.

* * *

Our favorite trio of would-be heroes, who had been mentally preparing themselves for the completion of their own plan, heard the explosion immediately.

"Shit! What was that?!" Klein yelled as the slight shock wave painfully pulsated through his already-damaged eardrums.

Both Agil and Kirito instantly shushed him, and they all took a collective moment to try to figure out just where that explosion had come from.

Of course, they all regained their wits quickly, and the obvious conclusion was quickly reached.

The classroom.

Without a moment's hesitation, Kirito slammed open the stairwell door, and the trio sprinted towards the now-smoking school room.

They got to the classroom, and it looked like a bomb went off. Literally. A series of groans came from a closet off to the side, and they all ran over to investigate. They were greeted by a, err, _unique_ sight.

Klein was the first to speak.

"Holy shit! It's zombie-Rudolph! Agil! Shoot it!"

Agil facepalmed, and Kirito just burst out laughing. Klein was, and would always be, Klein.

After he calmed down a bit, Kirito looked through the mess of sludge, lasers, and tangled-but-apparently-unharmed people. His eyes found their target, and he burst out laughing again, this time even louder.

There she was. Asuna, the love of his life. Safe, grumpy, and topped by a glorious, blinking blob of a sludge candle.

Nobody had any idea what had just happened, but, for the moment, they were all okay.

* * *

As trio began the tedious task of slowly untangling the glued together masses, things began to take a darker tone. Agil and the professor split off from the rest of the group, and they tried to piece together the puzzle. What happened to the soldiers? Where did the explosion come from?

It was Professor Jones who finally connected the dots. "It must have been C4. The guy who tried opening the door, he must have had C4 on him."

Agil nodded in grim realization. "And C4 is activated by an electric charge, right?" Agil needed no answer to his question, but he waited for the professor to nod anyway. "So that means that they're, ya know…"

"Yes, that would make the most sense."

Agil looked over at the rest of the classroom, and returned his gaze to the professor. "Let's keep that quiet. A few of us, we've been around stuff like this before. Well, kinda. But most of the class, well, they might not appreciate the image of a vaporized bad guy."

The professor couldn't help but agree. He nodded, and the two walked over to join Asuna, Kirito, and Klein, who were locked into their own discussion.

"Wait, Asuna, you said that the geezer's name is Professor Jones, right?"

Asuna nodded suspiciously at Klein's random question.

Klein looked over at the professor, who had just joined them, and fought to contain a grin.

"So, Mr. Jones, could you tell me a fairy tale? Or, if you don't want to, I guess we could go look at some beautiful women or something."

Asuna narrowed her eyes, not getting the joke but fully aware that something was going on. "Klein, you idiot, it's Dr. Jones."

For a moment, the group was silent, and Dr. Jones stared at Klein with a hard look on his face. Then, after an awkwardly long period of time, the professor broke the silence.

"Sha la la la la la la la!"

Kirito and Agil quickly joined in. "Mister Jones and me!"

Asuna, finally understanding the reference, rolled her eyes in mock disgust. Only her friends…

Here they were, threatened by mysterious gunmen, with nuclear materials apparently at risk, and they were singing old Counting Crows classics at the top of their lungs with a 60-something year old man.

Fucking Klein, man.

 

**Also, yes, I'm aware that the Counting Crows will probably not be a household name in whatever future year this story takes place. But I'm the author, and I drank way too much red bull before writing this. Just give me this one.**

**Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this rather short chapter. I know the last couple have been a bit on the brief side, and I plan on making up for that with a behemoth next time around.**

**Hope ya enjoyed, and be sure to let me know what ya think!**

**-theb3arjew**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before the Author's Note, this chapter was exactly 1,234 words, I've never been more proud of myself.
> 
> On a slightly more serious note, I'm sorry about the wait for the update. I got busy with college, and I found that I had written myself into a bit of a corner within my planned plotlines. Either way, it's all good now, and new updates should come flooding in with haste. At least, until I start getting busy with summer jobs. Ugh, I hate college life sometimes. 
> 
> (This was originally posted to FF.net a couple of months ago. As I mentioned in the previous update, I'm working on getting everything up to date on AO3, so that's why it's popping up now. Only one more chapter to go!)


	6. Reinforcements

"I hate to break up the little party here, but what are we going to do next?"

The group stopped their cheerful singing and looked over at Asuna, who, sadly, had a point. They weren't out of danger yet. Not even close.

Kirito broke the short silence that followed.

"The original plan was to hole up here and wait for help. I don't think that's gonna work anymore, though…"

Agil saw Asuna's slightly confused look and bluntly finished his friend's thought.

"You guys kinda blew the shit out of the door."

The entire little meeting 'hmm-ed' at that, and Kirito, Agil, and Asuna all began shuffling over to sit down at a nearby group of desks. Professor Jones moved to follow, but Klein grabbed his shoulder.

"This kinda stuff, it's sorta their thing. We'd just get in the way." Klein nodded over towards the rest of the students. "Let's go help the remaining Rudolphs over there."

The old man quirked his eyebrow at that. "How could the planning of what's essentially a military operation possibly be 'their thing'?" They're practically kids!"

A tired look appeared on Klein's typically grinning face. "Remember the NerveGear crisis? Sword Art Online?"

"They were part of that mess?"

Klein shook his head.

"No, I was just 'part of that mess'. They… they saved everyone."

Professor Jones nodded, expecting Klein to continue. Klein delivered. He talked of his undeniably high-level guild, a fun-loving, generally bro-tastic group that still somehow seemed absurdly outclassed in the presence of Kirito and Asuna. He told the professor about Agil, and Argo, who kept up their carefully-crafted cheap facades while simultaneously finding ways to help every single person in that damned game. And, of course, he told the story of Kirito and Asuna.

Klein's rather eccentric storytelling many not have been the best medium for the tale, but he did his best to fill the professor in with minimal hyperbole.

"... I swear, Kayaba must've been 2 stories tall!"

He tried to, anyway.

The gist of it, however, was understood, and Professor Jones had to give those kids some serious credit. No wonder Asuna seemed to take the lead so naturally when everything had kicked off. From what he'd gathered, that game was a genuine hellhole for the entirety of its existence, and they'd all lived it.

The trio rejoined them just as Klein and Dr. Jones were helping the last of the traumatized students. Asuna quickly gathered everybody's attention.

"As soon as everyone is ready to move, we're all going to head up to the roof. It's the easiest reasonable place for any rescue to get to us, and there's only one access point. It should be safe and easy to secure." Relatively, went unspoken.

The class already knew better than to question Asuna's orders, and they began following her directions before she could even finish listing them.

As Asuna continued on, Klein walked over to Kirito.

"So, after all of that, we're just heading right back to the roof?"

Kirito nodded.

"It really seems like our only option. We know that they have explosives now, so we can't exactly just hole up in a different room. Even if they can get through the access hatch up there, the stairwell is small enough to serve as a solid bottleneck, and we should be able to hold it down until help arrives."

Klein nodded in approval of the plan, then failed to fight off a yawn. The adrenaline was wearing off, and it had taken its toll. Klein was exhausted, and his rail-thin friend looked even worse for wear.

Sure, they'd all won the first battle, but the war wasn't over. Not by a long shot. Klein just somehow knew it.

* * *

"Remember, as soon as you get through, run straight for the group. Don't hesitate, even for a second."

The class nodded, acknowledging Agil's last second reminder. They all stood at the top of the building's stairwell, and Agil and Kirito were already halfway up the ladder, ready to run point.

27 people. 4 SAO vets, a single odd professor, and 22 innocent, confused, and blatantly terrified college at a time, every single one of them had to climb the ladder and pass through the little access hatch. If there was a threat of any kind on that roof, it would turn into a bloodbath very quickly. Hell, that's why they'd chosen to relocate to the roof in the first place. They just had to hope and pray that they'd end up on the right side of the bloodbath.

"Alright, let's do this."

With that, Kirito flinged open the hatch, and warm sunlight flooded the stale stairwell. One by one, they all scurried up the ladder and sprinted over to join Kirito and Agil at the center of the roof. So far, everything was going smoothly.

After what seemed like an eternity, Asuna and Klein scampered through the hatch and slammed it shut behind them, and Kirito let loose the breath that he didn't even realize he was holding.

Safe and sound. Nothing to worry about.

"Click click."

Maybe not.

* * *

"Simmons! What's the ETA?"

The flustered pilot frantically shifted his focus between the gps display and the windshield of the aircraft for a moment.

"30 seconds, Captain Casey, sir! Wm, I mean, m'am!"

Casey nodded in acknowledgement as she scanned the horizon. The building should be coming into view… wait, there it was!

There was movement on the roof. Cpt. Casey waited a moment for the helicopter to get in a bit closer.

Shit. It did not look good.

Casey stood up and made sure that she had the attention of the entire cabin.

"LZ is hot! We'll have to drop quickly! Our priority is to secure the kids. Arms ready!"

With that, Alex Casey took one last assessing look at her hastily assembled crew. They had managed to pack nearly a dozen people into the rather cramped cabin area. She just hoped that the cargo hold would be big enough for all of the kids.

It certainly wasn't the most organized of operations, and every single person on that chopper was lacking in the experience department. Hell, it wasn't even entirely clear whether HQ had any idea that they were out here in the first place. But it would have to be enough.

The pilot broke her from her reverie.

"You'll have three ticks to get clear before I pull out. I'll hang around for a quick pick up. At LZ in 5… 4…"

A few heartbeats later, Casey leapt through the open side and into the familiar blur of combat.

"Covering fire! We need to push them back!"

It was utter chaos. The battle only seemed to have erupted with the arrival of the police helicopter, but it was already eerily reminiscent of the battles Casey had seen in her days with Special Ops.

The darkly-clad… insurgents (?) seemed to be regrouping, and two of them were dragging an old man back behind their cover, despite the man's rather vulgar protests.

Out of nowhere, an explosion seemed to rock the entire city. The action on the roof immediately froze. One of the insurgents walked over to the now-silent old man, wrapped him up in a chokehold, and held a gun to the geezer's temple. The gunman yelled something in some Eastern European language, and nobody present needed a translation. They had a hostage, and they were going to do what they damned pleased.

The enemies all retreated into the building, using their hostage to keep the police forces at bay. Eventually, the hostage holder disappeared down the hatch, old man still in his arms, and the small metal contraption slammed shut.

Casey had no idea what had just happened, but she did know one thing. They all needed to get the hell of the roof, as quickly as humanly possible. She switched on her headset and was relieved to hear the familiar buzz.

"Simmons, get that 'copter back here ASAP. LZ is clear, but we don't know for how long."

"Yessir. Um, m'am."

Casey gathered her men and ordered them to get all of the kids organized and ready to ship out. One kid, however, ignored the police trying to shuffle him around and walked right up to Casey. His slight appearance and messy mop of black hair certainly didn't give off an imposing vibe, but his voice carried a weight that it definitely shouldn't have.

"We can't leave yet. We need to get the professor back!"

Casey shook her head. So that old guy was this kid's professor.

"Not happening. We need to get all of you to safety. And please, give me that gun before you accidentally add another casualty to this clusterfuck of a day."

They continued their argument for a moment, and the kid made no movement towards the chopper when it landed. Sighing in acceptance, Casey walked up to the kid, lifted him up, and threw him over her shoulder.

Rule number one of a rescue operation: don't push your luck. If you save someone, get them out.

This kid clearly didn't understand that.

* * *

Technically, they'd won.

Asuna had been rescued. The students at the school while certainly not out of danger, were probably no more at risk than anybody else in the chaotic city. When the trio had first jumped from the rooftop, they had a clear list of objectives,and they'd achieved every single one of them. Mission accomplished.

But somehow, nobody really felt like celebrating.

Captain aside, the SWAT team was in a panic. While they outwardly appeared mostly calm, albeit a bit nervous, the squad was truly on their heels. Clearly, something unprecedented was happening in their city, yet here they were, chilling in the park with a bunch of college kids.

Captain Casey, to her credit, was among the congregated mass of rescued students, doing her best to calm their frayed nerves. Asuna and Klein were trying to do the same thing for Kirito, whose temper was ready to blow a gasket. Agil, meanwhile, was off to the side, trying to organize his thoughts and figure out just what they should do next.

Everybody did their best to ignore the plumes of smoke that towered above the surrounding treeline of the city park.

A confused sound from the SWAT pilot broke the monotony of whimpers and whispers.

"Uh, Captain?" the man called out, looking down at his headset in a perplexed manner.

Casey somewhat-gently shouldered her way through the group of students and grunted, acknowledging that the ever-nervous pilot had her attention.

"There's, uh, someone on coms who said that they wanted to speak with you. It, uh, well, it sounds like a little girl."

Wonderful.

"Casey sighed and put on the headset.

"Do I even want to know how you got on this channel?"

The familiar young voice on the other end mumbled something about bridging local networks, then spoke up with her conclusion.

"No, probably not, ma'am. Did you manage to rescue everyone?"

"They took the professor hostage, but we got all of the other involved kids out. Not that they're grateful or anything."

"Hm." Yui accepted the new information and took a moment to think it over. Err, process it.

"Can you call the SAO veterans over to a quiet spot? I'm going to run my audio feed through an amplifier so everybody will be able to hear me. I need to talk to everyone, you included, at the same time. Oh, and you might want to remove the headset now. It's going to get a bit loud while I configure everything."

Wait a minute. SAO? Did she mean that Sword… whatever Online fiasco? Some of these kids were involved in that? The more Casey thought about it, the more it made sense. It certainly explained the obnoxious swords and the random dude with the fire axe.

Either way, it was just even more thinking to save for later. She shrugged it off and called for everyone's attention.

"Hey! I need all of the SAO brats to come with me." She looked over at her pilot. "Simmons, you come, too."

Surely enough, after a quick huddle, four of the kids walked over. As they approached, it became clear that they weren't really all that kid-ish. Well, except for the angry guy in black. He still looked like he should be riding a bike to the playground.

"Gather around over here."

Casey led them to the other side of the helicopter and tossed the headset onto the ground. The little group followed the captain's example and circled around it."

"Alright, everybody's here." Casey directed toward the microphone. After a few seconds of muffled clicking and buzzing, the speaker beeped and came to life.

"Mommy, Daddy, are you there?"

Kirito and Asuna's faces instantly lit up.

After a few heartbeats, Asuna realized that they should probably answer.

"Yeah, Yui, we're here. So are Klein and Agil. The captain and pilot, too. We're all okay!"

The little headphone speaker squealed with glee, and Casey snorted. How the hell did this little girl hack into highly secure systems _twice_?

"Ok, so I don't know who has what info here, and it would take forever to explain everything to everyone, so I'm just going to jump to the end and work backwards. Thanks to all the data I've worked through, I'm 97.4% certain of the destination of the professor and the insurgents. You all need to get there ASAP."

Casey raised her eyebrow.

"Why would we go after the professor? I'm not going to risk the lives of my team to rescue a single old geezer, and I'm certainly not going to let a bunch of LARPing little brats tag along."

Before the inevitable argument blew up, Yui cut everyone off.

"The insurgents kidnapped the professor in order to access a top-secret government facility. It looks like they belong to an anarchist organization called Liberty of Chaos. They're after radioactive materials to make a dirty bomb, and if they're successful, they'll be ready to use it within a few hours. Professor Henry Jones is a member of a joint university-federal project researching the effects of radioactivity on various elemental composites. He's the only local civilian who has access to the storage facility. From analyzing the data, I can safely conclude that the city-wide attacks were a diversion, meant to keep attention away from the college."

"Global communications are all down, and I can only use network bridging to contact my locally-stored list of MAC addresses. Casey's was on there. I did contact some backup to meet you there, but it's pretty much up to you. And Captain Casey, these four have more combat experience than the entirety of your crew _combined_ , yourself excluded. They'll pull their own weight."

"The facility can be accessed through a subway stop on the corner of 5th and Market. I'll send detailed schematics to Mommy's phone. The stop is only a few blocks away, so it'd probably be best to walk there. The helicopter would only bring unwanted attention. Your backup will prove more than capable of keeping you all safe from a distance, anyway. I'll patch her into your coms as soon as we're done here."

"Normally, I'd do my best to keep Mommy and Daddy out of danger, but, in a worst case scenario, this bomb could kill or irradiate 250,000 people. Their hero complexes, namely Kirito's, are just too big to let that pass."

Kirito glared at the headset.

"So I'm doing my best to help! I'm still gathering and analyzing data now, so I'll keep everyone updated if something changes."

Captain Casey took advantage of the pause to speak her mind.

"Why are we taking orders from a strange little girl? I don't disagree with what she's saying, but this whole thing is a bit unorthodox."

Kirito, now calmed down and back to his usual aloof state, stepped in to explain.

"That's Yui. She's an AI construct from SAO who, well, took on a bit of a life of her own. She's a little girl at heart, but she's also one of the most capable technological creations on the planet."

Casey deadpanned.

"Yeah, that totally clears things up and didn't make everything even more confusing."

Agil cut everyone off and took charge.

"There's no time to explain everything. Just accept that this information is completely trustworthy. Let's start planning this out while Yui patches this magical backup into our coms." The huge man looked over at the pilot. "Speaking of which, do you have any extra headsets?"

Simmons nodded.

"Well then, let's get everybody set up with that. I'll stay here with the captain and Kirito and we'll grind out a plan. Asuna, go talk to your classmates and make sure they have a place to go when we leave. Klein, you should probably go talk to some of the SWAT troopers and see if they have any weapons to spare. I'd like something a bit more, uh, weapon-y than a fire axe if we're going to be attacking some super secret base thing."

The group dissipated to complete their tasks, leaving Captain Casey with Agil and Kirito.

"I can't say that I'm not impressed. Your little posse is remarkably calm and composed, given the situation. Most of my rookies over there are pissing their pants," Casey pointed out as she looked over at her squad.

Kirito sighed.

"We've done stuff like this before. We can tell stories later, though. Let's get this thing figured out."

* * *

"Yeah, I'm moving into position now, Yui. I'll be in place in 5. You can patch me through now."

The 'backup' could practically hear the little girl smile in her little digital haven. Yui might sound and act like a little girl, but she'd certainly inherited some of Kazuto's snark and mirth.

Shino looked down at her rifle and couldn't keep a smile from creeping onto her face. The thing was ancient, but she could really feel the love and care that had always been directed toward the weapon. She had complete faith in its precision and accuracy.

See, she would never tell anyone, but Kirito's favorite story about the random old guy in the cafe hadn't really been a chance encounter. Everybody had seen Kazuto slipping lower and lower, and Shino mentioned it at a family gathering in a discussion with her mom. The bald old man must've overheard. Grandpa Iroh was never one to leave a person out to dry, so he took it into his own hands.

Shino had never even known until Kazuto had told her the story later on, but she knew exactly what had happened the second he mentioned some guy raving about tea in a coffee shop.

She already owed the man a ton, just for helping Kazuto, but now, her debt to the old man was nearly unfathomable. Two minutes after her panicked phone call, her jolly grandfather was at the door, weapon case in hand. She thumbed the engraving of the weapon title on the handgrip. M40A3. A simple gun, much less complicated than the futuristic digital rifles of GGO. Nonetheless, it would get the job done.

A slurping noise broke her out of her reverie. Surely enough, her grandpa appeared at her side, cup of tea in hand.

"Good luck. And please, be careful with her. She will always return the favor."

Shino nodded and ran out the door. As she went out onto the street, her wireless earpiece cackled to life.

"Hello? Not exactly sure who this backup is, but we gotta go over the plan real quick."

Shino laughed her signature dry laugh as she listened to her confused friend. She'd never met someone so simultaneously idiotic and clever as Kazuto Kirigaya.

"Wait, Shino? Is that you?"

"Yup. Nice to talk to you again, Kirito. It's been awhile."

"Not my fault that you refuse to step foot in my dorm. It's not _that_ messy. Anyway, I'm glad that you're on board. Here's the plan…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anything else, quick question for ya. I've been working on some little side stories in this universe. Nothing overly impressive or substantial, but I think they're worth posting up. Would you guys want them plastered onto the end of my updates here, or would you rather see them in their own, separate collection/story thing? I dunno what people prefer, so I figured I'd ask.
> 
> Anyway, hope you all enjoyed the update. I know it's been overdue for a little while, but hopefully it was worth the wait. I know it was definitely a bit dense and dialog-heavy, but I needed to push some things across before we reach the climax in the coming chapters. Not too much farther to go!
> 
> Huh, who'd have thought that I'd make it this far. I might actually finish a story! Holy balls!
> 
> All you glorious bastards know the rest. Lemme know what ya thing, leave some feedback, blah blah blah…
> 
> See ya next time :D

**Author's Note:**

> This was initially going to be a one shot, but I decided to split it up. It'll probably be 2 or 3 chapters, and I'm writing this story as stress-relief for finals, so chapter 2 will probably be up in the next few days. There's a lot of little references here and there throughout the chapter, and I'll give a cookie to anyone who can figure out who the old man is based off of.
> 
> I got the idea from the title of a joke fic posted a few days ago. There's pretty much no similarities between the two pieces but I'd just figured that I should mention it.
> 
> So, if it wasn't clear from reading this, I could really use a beta. If you're interested at all, PM me. I really don't care if you have much experience or not. Just the extra head would help exponentially.
> 
> Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed! Be sure to lemme know what ya think in the reviews, and be proud that I went a whole AN without any sex puns. A rare feat indeed.
> 
> -theb3arjew/kuzons


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